Overcoming Fawning: How to Set Boundaries in Your Career

By

Hannah Kissel

July 14, 2026

•

19

min

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About the episode

Many professionals experience the fawn trauma response by propping up bosses or family members who treat them poorly and gaslighting themselves into believing the behavior is acceptable. To overcome this learned childhood response, you must use Internal Family Systems therapy to identify the vulnerable exile parts driving your people-pleasing habits. By taking a concerted pause before committing to requests and finding an expander to model firm boundaries, you can do the hard work of detaching from unhealthy dynamics and steer your life in a freer direction.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Fawning is a trauma response where you prop up people who treat you poorly and stay entangled in relationships that ultimately hurt you.
Internal Family Systems therapy helps identify young, vulnerable exile parts that accept poor behavior because they believe it is the only way to survive.
Taking a concerted pause of 24 hours before saying yes to new commitments protects your calendar and prevents burnout.
Finding an expander who models firm boundaries allows you to emulate someone who refuses to tolerate bad behavior in the workplace.

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Timestamps:

01:17 Personal Story: Hannah's Workplace Fawning
02:45 Defining Fawning & Why It Happens
03:38 Taking Action: Stopping the Cycle
04:42 Why We Self-Gaslight at Work
06:15 The IFS Approach to People-Pleasing
07:00 Managers vs. Exiles: How Our Parts Work
08:30 Connecting Old Survival Strategies to Today
09:15 The Power of the Pause
10:33 How to Find "Expanders" to Model Boundaries
12:30 Detaching from Other People's Reactions
14:10 Why This Work is Uncomfortable (But Worth It)
15:10 The Freedom of Authentic Relationships
15:55 The "Cruise Ship" Analogy for Change
16:18 Life & Work Transformation Program Info

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Overcoming Fawning: How to Set Boundaries in Your Career

Many professionals experience the fawn trauma response by propping up bosses or family members who treat them poorly and gaslighting themselves into believing the behavior is acceptable. To overcome this learned childhood response, you must use Internal Family Systems therapy to identify the vulnerable exile parts driving your people-pleasing habits. By taking a concerted pause before committing to requests and finding an expander to model firm boundaries, you can do the hard work of detaching from unhealthy dynamics and steer your life in a freer direction.

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